You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
