mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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