They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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