just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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