We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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