we're blogging at a bar
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
