Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
