So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
