So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
