I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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