Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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