dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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