ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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