All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
