I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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