Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
