where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
