I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
