woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
