chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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