next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
