I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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