how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
