i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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