You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
