Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
