I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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