it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
