Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
