Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to fling myself into the sun
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
