Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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