My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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