the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
