Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
