Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
