dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
