Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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