Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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