I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
