You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
