i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
