were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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