can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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