there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
