very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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