why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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