when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this just has baby written all over it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
