There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
A bitchslap is in order.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
