i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You pole danced in your parka.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
