i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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