Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
