i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
