i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Are my feet made of real feet?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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