one two three fourrrrnication!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
