Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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